Therapy dating married man
“The problem is, the patterns that you develop ultimately are based on, ‘Well, heck, if it doesn’t work out, we’re not married,’ ” says Julie Nise, a relationship trainer and therapist based near Houston. Essentially, this is what I tell my dating couples: if he’s not good enough to be married to, then you don’t need to be living with him.
Because all you’re doing is burning daylight.”She says she believes that effective therapy is targeted, rather than habitual.
Generation Y-ers ages 18–29 represent a mere 8.9 percent of the married population of the U. In years past, couples might have been married before quarrels developed, but as an increasingly higher premium is put on one’s capacity for personal growth, along with fear that marriage can lead so quickly to divorce, some younger couples try to sort through their issues of compatibility for years before heading to the altar.“Where you get past that point where everything happens automatically.”In the case of unmarried couples in longterm relationships, therapy serves as it has done traditionally, as the tipping point for bringing ambivalent partners closer together.But increasingly, it also functions as a tool to ease them more comfortably apart.Much more frequently than is discussed or written about, says Broder, one partner in therapy is more invested in the longterm success of the relationship.For the person in the couple who may feel significantly more ambivalent, therapy may be a good-faith attempt at appeasement, even when, ultimately, that partner feels the relationship should end.In comments on an article about couples counseling posted on Très Sugar, a site devoted to women of Generation Y, a woman writes that she’s going in for a few counseling sessions with her boyfriend of three months.Another responds that three months might be a bit soon: “Maybe after 6–9 months, it would be okay if you’re in a fairly serious, fast-paced relationship, though.” Writes another: “My boyfriend and I went to counseling as our first date! Michael Broder has worked with couples for more than 35 years, and sees therapy as an increasingly common and acceptable option for those in their late 20s and early 30s.Broder says he sees couples coming to therapy to reevaluate whether a stagnating relationship is one they should continue, after the initial passion, the lovestruck honeymoon period of the early months, has worn off.“I define a longterm relationship as one that survives the dopamine high,” he says.“People who are ‘just dating’ rarely come to see a couples therapist.”When unmarried couples consult Ziff, she does not view them as any less serious than couples a generation or so earlier, who were quicker to marry and less likely to cohabit or date for long periods of time without marrying.Instead, she views these unwed monogamists as a population hyperaware of the risks of tying the knot.